Awetism Awareness

Autism Awareness month pounces in like a lion then pads out like a lamb. We didn't do anything special this year. No parties or activities; no blue light bulbs. With two autists at home I'm already very 'aware' especially this month which has been tough, but I'd rather write about what I think is awesome about autism!  Here's my list:

•  Simplicity. This started with eliminating sensory triggers, needless fanfare, parties,  celebration and their expense and extended to people who were not supportive of us.  We haven't raced or rushed in years. I love the way autism has helped us learn less is more.   
•  Honesty.  Autism brings an extra special innocence to our kids as they have no motivation to lie.
•  Trust. We validate our kids, no matter how quirky they are. They trust us to support them and have their best interest at heart.  They know that wherever possible we will put all of our efforts towards their goals. 
•  Love. Our kids are exceptionally affectionate, kind, and gentle. Today, Ashi tells me often that she loves me. Izaiah who is still non-verbal smiles at me now and is very generous with his hugs and cuddles.
•  Potential. The wild spring of possibilities amazes and inspires me daily.  I'm newly exploring the depths of Ashi's photographic memory and, in awe, I barely dare to imagine what Izaiah is thinking about as he examines angles, reflections, shadows, and water.  Their creativity and imagination is endless and the responsibility to help them develop it is like the weight of the world on my shoulders.   
•  Faith. Our family is utterly dependent upon Christ for every eyelash flutter and vapor of breath. The trials seem endless, but His provision is deeper. I don't think I know anything more precious than Ashi asking a little girl her own age, "do you know Jesus?" She does so assuredly, confident in her role as a missionary.
•  Growth in me. Autism has stretched and refined me in ways I never knew possible. A complete paradigm shift from trying to change our children to changing ourselves as parents instead is what has catapulted our kids to success. 
•  Family.  Autism has made our family strong and resilient. Homeschooling has been a lifesaver for Ashi, who 'the system' labeled as hopeless and is now a straight A student. It has also strengthened and nurtured our sense of family and our dependence upon one another.
•  Contentedness. Our kids aren't into the latest fads or gimmicks, they are content with the simplest things. Autism caused them to not like new things in the house as youngsters which was good as we couldn't afford stuff anyway! I love that Ashi can make an adventure out of virtually nothing but God's creation.
•  Teachable.  My kids with autism have made me teachable.  Although I have provided all of their therapy and schooling, I have learned more than I ever imagined.
•  Humor. Our kids are so witty, silly, smart, and inventive. We are satisfied with each others company and the life given us.  Autism freed us from what the world considers important and helped us focus on what God considers to be rich.  And when you're that free, you laugh...a lot.     
• Happiness.  Our kids have autism and they are happy.  They are happy to be free to create, to live, to research, to discover, to learn, to be loved, adored, believed in; validated.  

So, happy Awetism Awareness Month to you.  Better late than never!  I know that the years go by fast while the days can be slow and filled with adversity. You're not alone. For every one thing that goes wrong, try to think of five that are right and you can make it through another day.

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autists.  She has two of her own and has had a most difficult April coping with illnesses and such with kiddos.  Autism sure didn't make it any better...or did it??!!  Be sure to write a comment on this post.  All persons who comment will have their name put in a hat and one of you will win a complete hardcover set of the Ashi's Gift Series.                                             

Sleeping Single in Her Full-Size Bed

A common problem parents endure while raising energetic children on the spectrum is the lack of sleep. Mysteriously our little angels only need a wee bit of shut-eye, while we zombies parents are desperate for just one good night.   

I'm elated that Ashi has started going to bed all by herself.  Now, before you get jealous, please know that I have spent over 6 years going to bed with her at night, every night, without fail. 

Rather than risk complications of meds or battle rigid night-time routine and clocks, I decided to just go to bed with her.  Simple, right?  I became her personal teddy bear with a heartbeat.

All those years ago, it took forever for her to nod off and I'd dare baaarely move to sneak out! Most mornings the cricks in my neck let me know that once again I had slept all night with her. 

But, over the years, she drifted to sleep faster and faster and finally, at age 9, she's been telling me she's tired and ready for bed, even if I can't join her. I almost have to pinch myself to make sure it's real! 

Ashi and Izaiah, 3 years ago.

We could've let those 6 years be a time of difficulty, but why miss out on an opportunity?  Our nightly sleepovers have helped with:  overcoming apraxia, learning how to read and spell, learning to play pretend, making up games, and telling time. We've went from learning to count, to practicing addition and subtraction, to practicing multiplication and division all in the dark. (And may I say that learning how to do addition/subtraction with 3 and 4 digits, and renaming, in the dark is a fabulous mental exercise.)  We've learned about God and the Bible, and prayed together for so many people. We've learn to talk about our day, to tell each other we're sorry and ask for forgiveness.  Ashi has learned through role play, conquered fears and also coped with death. It's been our time to love, belly-laugh, foster a meaningful relationship, talk about painful things, and answer questions only a child who trusts their parent asks.

Today, Ashi would be 9 whether or not I helped her through those tough years. And, true, she might be sleeping by herself now whether or not I had been there. But instead of 6 years of strife, she has 6 years of joyful memories and I believe she has come face to face with what the true love of a Mommy looks like. 

And, so have I.  By giving up my own 'private time', I've gained the whole world. And Ashi's new achievement is much more touching after being a part of the solution.

It's also very timely, because, like clockwork, my 3 year old is now needing me to tend to his sleep issues.  Here we go again. A Mommy's work is never done!

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autistic children. She has provided all of her children's therapy and homeschools. You can check out her books at Ashi's Gift Website and on Amazon.  She will be speaking at the Ultimate Online Home-school Expo in March.  Friend her on Facebook to find out more!

Skin Project

Having profound fine motor issues means we are big into occupational therapy (OT) at our house.  I don't know if my kids appreciate that everything I see becomes occupational therapy or not, but we enjoyed our latest Science project that doubled up as therapy beautifully.

We'd been studying about the largest organ, our skin, when the up and coming science project caught my attention. Not only is this project great for kinesthetic and visual learners, but it's great OT too!  We used clay; Ashi is 9 and can handle it now. She would not have been able to use it at age 6 or 7 though, it would've been too hard. Feel free to substitute play dough, it's therapy too!

Here's what you need:

1.) 3 colors of clay (or play dough). We used a lot of red for the bottom layer. A little bit of yellow for the top layer, and just a tiny bit of green for the oil glands.
2.) 2 large blue rubber bands, cut so they are long, not round. (blue sweat glands)
3.) black pipe cleaner (black hair)
4.) 2 Q-tips (white nerves)
5.) red raffia ribbon (red blood vessels)
6.) Piece of cardboard approximately 8 x 10

You can substitute other items above too ~ for instance, you could  use different colored pipe cleaners for vessels and glands. I just didn't have that many colored pipe cleaners, so I had to get creative.

Here's what to do:

1.) Once your clay is malleable, just spread it out on the cardboard into a wide rectangle for the Dermis.
2.) Spread out the other color (much thinner) over the top for the Epidermis.
3.) Add your nerves, blood vessels, pipe cleaners, rubber bands in the appropriate places.
Tips:
1.) Only hair and sweat glands actually go beyond the Dermis and into the Epidermis. 
2.) The hair actually comes completely out of the epidermis while the glands only go to the surface (so sweat can get out!)
3.) The blood vessels, oil glands, and nerves stay in the Dermis.
4.) For fun, we made a 'key' for ours in the upper left hand corner.

Ashi fashioned a bird out of the remainder of the clay when we were done. 

Another idea for OT.  Here Ashi cut out little construction paper 'lap-tops' for her Littlest Pet Shop (LPS) characters.  She also drew the 'keyboard' and pictures on the 'screen.' She  made enough of these laptops that it definitely qualified as some good OT time!

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autists. She has an 'eye' for finding and figuring out ways to provide OT and sensory integration for her two autists at home and loves sharing these ideas with you...and, orangutans, apparently! She has 3 published children's books about autism. You can find out more at Ashi's Gift Website.

Give Me A Break!

Playing soccer with Mom, Dad, and Izaiah

No matter how or where you educate your children, if they have ASD, SPD, CAS, CAPD, ADHD, or any other concoction of the alphabet, extra measures are needed to facilitate learning.  As a homeschooler I get the privilege of researching, developing, and testing our own ideas. Here are some that are tried and (mostly) true:

Breaks are a top priority at our house. In fact, they are just as important as each class. Both breaks and classes are strategically scheduled by Mom. We follow a routine, not a clock which helps me pay attention to my kids' needs instead of punching a time clock. Here are some different types of breaks we take and the types of tools we use.

Action photo of crashing!

A crashing break is when Ashi crashes into our large, leather, (durable) sectional sofa. She runs across the room to 'crash', then runs back across the room, up a small set of stairs to the landing, back down the stairs and across the room to crash again. She follows my arm as I motion to where she should be - either crashing on the couch or the opposite direction, running up the stairs. She hurries to coordinate with my arm motions and squeals with delight! The extra running reduces the crashing (save the sofa!) and helps fill up Ashi's "crashing tank" enough to last until after school. Belly laughs included, this break takes about 10 minutes.Very easy, very fun.

Weighted balls

We take hand breaks. With profound fine motor issues Ashi can handle most of her assignments, but Handwriting with copy work or English with creative writing require a different perspective. What we use are weighted balls. We play catch or roll one to each other several times or Ashi balances on a peanut ball and tosses one in the air, catches it and repeats several times. For Ashi, four written sentences are enough to require a hand break.

Self-stimming at Discovery Center

Self-stimming is a great way to break. Ashi uses little foamie cards that she raps on the table during class. She puts a lecture to music and can really retain information this way!  The picture to the right is Ashi self-stimming at our local Discovery Center.  She loves running things like beads, gravel, buttons, marbles, etc., through her fingers. You may have a youngster who enjoys sensory bins. Ashi is 9 and instead of growing out of it, she's just made the 'bins' bigger!

Park Break

Sometimes we 'go places' for a break. These aren't the same as scheduled field trips. This is when we've just got to get out of the house. We don't have to go anywhere in particular, the backyard, a walk or scooter ride down the street, maybe an errand needs to be run, or maybe a trip to the park, zoo, or museum.

Oops, we waited to long for a Mental Break for Mommy!

We stay at home and have a 'mental' break. We play together with toys, games, or we pop in a movie like the Liberties Kids Series or Little House on the Prairie or even watching Wild Kratts or Electric Company is a great break too. Sometimes we cook a meal, bake a snack, or do some art. Anything we can do together for an hour or longer if needed. It's refreshing and our work will be there later or even tomorrow if need be.

Study Tub

A change in environment, is a great way to take a break. Ashi's turned the tub into a soft, quiet, cozy, fun, study area. If she seems to be unfocused during class, we clip her work to a clipboard and send her to the tub!

Weighted Vest

Here are some other tools we use at home. Ashi likes to wear her weighted vest when she feels like it's hard to focus.  She will also eat something crunchy or use a chew noodle too.  We also have a weighted lap blanket that she puts over her legs as well.

The Claw

Here are some tools we've used as aids for writing.  This is a Writing Claw from Beyond Play.  This does help to make the tripod grip if your child has enough coordination to use it.  It is rather flimsy, so if your child has a poor grip, she'll  just make the same poor grip with the claw. If your child lacks strength but is coordinated, this might be the grip for you!

Writing Rascal

This is a Writing Rascal from Fun and Function.  I thought this was the answer to our prayers for a tripod grip. Nope. Unlike the claw, you don't have to be as coordinated to use it, but since it is more rigid, you have to have the strength to squeeze it hard enough to write properly with it. If your child has strength, but lacks coordination, this might be just the thing for you!

collection of fidgets

We also use fidgets. They are little toys usually made out of cloth. Ashi holds them, twists them, turns them, grabs them, shakes them during class. We always have these at her disposal. Sometimes we even pick a fidget of the day! Keeps those hands busy and works off sensory stress.

Stable place to bounce

It's uses are endless!

I bought this peanut ball at Wal-Mart, $25. This is a real gem and worth every penny.  It's not round like a regular medicine ball so it's easier to balance on it. It's also long, so for a change in pace, Ashi can sit on the ball and do her work with a clip-board. She even sits on it and bounces during lecture style classes too.

Thanks for visiting our homeschool and I hope you feel welcome to come by anytime!

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autistic children.  She has two fabulous autists to whom she provides therapy for and homeschools.  She has 3 published children's books about autism that can be found at various links around this blog or at Ashi's Gift Website.

Zoos and Tutus

Recently I was reminded of the golden dreams and blissful fantasies I entertained about my daughter in the magical world of gymnastics and/or ballet. I was so impatient for her to actually be born and grow old enough to participate. Visions of practice, rehearsals, and costumes delighted me as did the fanfare and fellowship I'd imagined with other 'ballet' moms. My aspirations swirled with ribbons and glitter, adorable little leotards, and bouncy-cute tutus. 

Then they swirled right down the toilet to their death, and I was harshly left to grieve my unrealized and then shattered plans. It really hurt. It was evident from our attempts at Mommy and Me tumbling class that my hopes were really in the 'best laid plans' category and we all know what happens to those!  Ashi was miserable, it was time to regroup and you might need to as well.

Not all of my wishes for her to be involved were wrong.  What I wanted was to give her opportunities that I never had.  But, I tried to give her opportunities that I wanted instead of figuring out which opportunities she wanted. 

Most parents make this mistake but neurotypical children have an easier time of communicating to their parents if they dislike a particular activity. For kids on the spectrum though, you'll have to be observant.  Here's some things that will let you know it's not the right time for a particular activity:

1.  Falling asleep on purpose.
2.  Not handling structure or structured teaching.
3.  Crying, whining, falling on the floor screaming.
4.  Becoming upset when asked to participate.
5.  Covering ears.
6.  Melting down.
7.  Upset on the drive to the activity.
8.  Fleeing.
9.  Not wanting to wear the outfit or uniform.

Taking young children to places with bright lights, loud music, big echo effect, certain smells, chalk dust in the air, structured teaching, expectation of coordination or strength the child may not have, and too many other students may be a super-bad idea, especially in those younger years.  If you're experiencing meltdowns or behavior from that list above, I would pack it in until your child is older. Here's some things you could do:

1.  Wait a few years. Dance class is perfectly fine to be started at age 8,  9, or 10. I don't know
      exactly when parents started expecting 2 year olds to be graceful and patient.
2.   Instead of a ballet class, how about a movement class with children younger than your own.
3.  Trying to find an instructor who will work one-on-one until your child grows into her senses
     better.
4.  If your child likes being there, but just wants to wander around and explore while class is going on,
     see if the instructor will accept this or if your child can be in a smaller class where it would be accept-
     able.  This has potential to help desensitize your child in an appropriate way. 
5.  Accept that your child may never want to participate in the things you have 'lined-up' for them,
     but, they probably already have a multitude of interests that you could do with them, instead. 

What we did was trade that tutu in for the zoo. I paid attention to what Ashi's true interests were and figured out how to have activities to center around those. I died to myself.  It wasn't about me anymore, it was about her.  She lined up animals, she researched animals, she was in love with animals. It was crystal clear, we needed to do things related to animals!

Now we visit our zoo about 3 times/week.  We know all of the animals by name and they know us. Ashi knows the zookeepers, grounds keepers, zoologists, volunteers; she even knows the cashiers at the cafe and gift shop. And, they know her too. I've learned  more about animals and conservation than I ever imagined and it lasts for a lifetime because it is never-ending.  Most importantly, our time together hasn't been about Ashi battling her own sensory issues to do something I want her to do. Instead we've developed an amazing, close bond by doing the things she wants to do. It's a beautiful relationship of love that will always keep us close and now that she's older, she's more willing to try things I enjoy too.

 Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autists.  She believes autism to be the generational cry of children to be at home with their Mommies and the best 'cure' is treating young autists the way everyone wants to be treated: with compassion and understanding, not by trying to change them. She has 2 young autists at home, provides all their therapy and homeschools.  She has 3 published children's books about autism that can be found at Ashi's Gift Website.  

Milestones

Those blasted milestones! My kids routinely missed them all. Sad and deflated by well-baby check ups, I would hurriedly rush to pack up the diaper bag, trying to scoot well on my way home before welled up tears trailed down my cheeks. 

But, since I am also an incurable optimist, I wisely spent my time researching the root of our issues and strategizing to make it better. Years later, we've left many of those milestones in the dust. Here's a few we've mastered recently:

1.  Ashi can brush her own teeth.  This is something we have worked on for years. I suspect the same issue that makes it impossible for her to pedal and steer a bike at the same time also makes it difficult for her to put the brush in her mouth and move it. I still have to check those teeth of course, but please, understand the freedoom I now have. That's 10 minutes, 3 times a day!!!! Wow!

2.  Remove her seatbelt and her little brother's.  Again, sounds small, but this is major!  Now when I open the van door, both kids are prepared to get out because my "lil' helper" has helped herself and Izaiah out of those belts. What a backsaver!!

3.  Turn on the water faucet all by herself.  Another major accomplishment.  How many times a day did I hear, "Mommy, may I have some water?"  Maybe a hundred! Ashi can now help herself to a drink and get one for her little brother. Hear me there? Cry freedom, Mommy!!  This skill has two parts. Ashi can also drink out of a regular glass too!

4.  Ashi can put away school all by herself.  We homeschool using a hard drive system and speakers that plug into her laptop. When school is over, we stow it away on a shelf  ("we" typically meaning "me").  Ashi has relieved me of this duty since she is able do it herself. It's a big deal for little fingers pulling out those USB plugs and jacks!

5.  Opening doors with round knobs. When I'm lugging an armload, plus toting a diaper bag, and shouldering a sleeping 2 year old; having someone open the door for me is a very welcome courtesy. Thanks, Ashi!!

6.) Blowing bubbles.  This is just super-cool, because every kid likes bubbles! I'm super proud because Ashi also has oral sensory issues too, so this is a huge achievement!

All of these milestones involve fine motor skills which have always plagued us. Ashi has weak, uncoordinated, hands that are slightly curled; and dysgraphia. We've spent six years building strength and function simply by integrating activities into everyday life.

Here's something  fun that happened a couple of days after this post.  7.) Hanging.  I found Ashi climbing and hanging on this tree just like a swinging, little, monkey. Ironically we were at the zoo when it happened. 

Currently, Ashi can also with scissors and do cursive writing. We're practicing hair brushing, independantly bathing, strapping on her seatbelt, opening the van doors, opening the sliding glass doors from outside ( it's trickier than from the inside), nose blowing, etc.

If a bare, baby-book milestone page is longingly looking back at you,  know that most of the toys and other things you already have at home can double as therapeutic tools; so get busy! Most therapy is about investing time, playing/interacting together, taking turns, building relational trust, and practice, practice, practice.

Your child's milestones will be personal, unique, all his own; not like a cookie-cutter, photo-copied, chart that can be found in any baby book. No, his timing is special and anything that special requires patience. Try to look for the good. There will be talents and skills that your child can do ahead of time or exceptionally well. When you focus on those strengths, the weaker areas will come before you know it.

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents with young children on the spectrum. Her daughter, Ashi, was non-verbal until after the age of 4, but could read at the age of 2.  Now, THAT'S a neat milestone!  You can find OT ideas here and learn more about dysgraphia here.  Visit Ashi's Gift Website!  You can also read about her little one on the spectrum at Izaiah's Scroll.

Proximity at the Pool

At our house, summer means getting by (almost) with one outfit: a swimsuit! And lots of lazy, hazy, days spent lounging at the pool; many times until the sun starts to set.

Normally, I am always in very close proximity to Ashi because she has a tendancey to wander. I've spent the last 8 years teaching her to stay close to me; prevention is best!

But, this year, Ashi has a new found freedom! She is able to swim anywhere in the pool by herself. 

Since my 2 1/2 year old is also half-fish, I have to stay with him at all times and the two kids usually don't swim in the same place. This short lived dilemma has now become a new learned skill: that it is important for Ashi to always know where I am and for me to always know where she is, even if we are at a distance. And that we both have to do our part to make that happen.

I can handle my end, but as with all lessons that should have a natural intuitiveness about them, but don't, I instill them as a habit, as a rule, as a law instead of relying on Ashi's instinct.  Ashi, being a young autist, learns best this way.

Since she cannot distinguish between the din around her, and me on the 'shore' shouting to get her attention (it all sounds like the same mess to her), we regrouped and made up hand signals for "Come here." "I'm going over there," and "Stop." We made it a game and practiced the hand signals until we were comfortable. Now I don't have to holler above the crowd to communicate, but we both still need to know where the other is because we may be far apart. 

While Ashi doesn't always remember which beach chairs we're using, she is doing a great job of remembering to seek me out to see if I'm making any hand signals. She's underwater about as much as she is above it (as mermaids will do) but, when she comes up for air, she makes sure she knows where I am.  I'm really proud of her!!  Of course, the important part is consistancy. Judging from our great tans so far, I'd say were getting in plenty of laps!

If your child already knows how to swim, the pool is the actually a great place to learn this kind of proximity because it's much more controlled than on land. The places to wander are limited and there is no traffic. Also there are no teeth baring, shoestring-slobber-dripping pets, such as our neighbor dog, Killer (mistakenly named Belle.) Plus, I can still swim faster than she can!

If you've thought about teaching your child to swim, this is another excellent reason to do so.  After learning the concept at the pool, it will spill over into other areas, such as at the park, zoo, and the grocery store. Enjoy your summer!!  *Splash!!* 

Annie Eskeldson is the author of the Ashi's Gift Series which can be found at www.ashisgift.com.  She is blessed with 2 autistic children, she provides their therapy and also homeschools.  Her oldest autist was the most unsocial person she'd ever known, until her youngest was born!  Now at 8, Ashi makes a new bff everyday at the pool.  If you need someone to categorize your toys according to manufacturer - she's your girl!! She still loves a good book while riding in the grocery cart.