Sleeping Single in Her Full-Size Bed

A common problem parents endure while raising energetic children on the spectrum is the lack of sleep. Mysteriously our little angels only need a wee bit of shut-eye, while we zombies parents are desperate for just one good night.   

I'm elated that Ashi has started going to bed all by herself.  Now, before you get jealous, please know that I have spent over 6 years going to bed with her at night, every night, without fail. 

Rather than risk complications of meds or battle rigid night-time routine and clocks, I decided to just go to bed with her.  Simple, right?  I became her personal teddy bear with a heartbeat.

All those years ago, it took forever for her to nod off and I'd dare baaarely move to sneak out! Most mornings the cricks in my neck let me know that once again I had slept all night with her. 

But, over the years, she drifted to sleep faster and faster and finally, at age 9, she's been telling me she's tired and ready for bed, even if I can't join her. I almost have to pinch myself to make sure it's real! 

Ashi and Izaiah, 3 years ago.

We could've let those 6 years be a time of difficulty, but why miss out on an opportunity?  Our nightly sleepovers have helped with:  overcoming apraxia, learning how to read and spell, learning to play pretend, making up games, and telling time. We've went from learning to count, to practicing addition and subtraction, to practicing multiplication and division all in the dark. (And may I say that learning how to do addition/subtraction with 3 and 4 digits, and renaming, in the dark is a fabulous mental exercise.)  We've learned about God and the Bible, and prayed together for so many people. We've learn to talk about our day, to tell each other we're sorry and ask for forgiveness.  Ashi has learned through role play, conquered fears and also coped with death. It's been our time to love, belly-laugh, foster a meaningful relationship, talk about painful things, and answer questions only a child who trusts their parent asks.

Today, Ashi would be 9 whether or not I helped her through those tough years. And, true, she might be sleeping by herself now whether or not I had been there. But instead of 6 years of strife, she has 6 years of joyful memories and I believe she has come face to face with what the true love of a Mommy looks like. 

And, so have I.  By giving up my own 'private time', I've gained the whole world. And Ashi's new achievement is much more touching after being a part of the solution.

It's also very timely, because, like clockwork, my 3 year old is now needing me to tend to his sleep issues.  Here we go again. A Mommy's work is never done!

Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autistic children. She has provided all of her children's therapy and homeschools. You can check out her books at Ashi's Gift Website and on Amazon.  She will be speaking at the Ultimate Online Home-school Expo in March.  Friend her on Facebook to find out more!

Paradigm Shift

When our daughter was still a baby, she began sitting on her own at an unusually early age. She had missed most milestones so I was flooded with relief.  Even at this infant age, Ashi demonstrated her intelligence. True to her nature, she was actually accomplishing her own agenda, which at that time, was throwing things.  Sitting early allowed her to do this.

She began by tossing toys backwards over her shoulder, crawling over to the pile, then retossing them. A couple of hours could pass with me wondering why she didn't like the scads of fun toys that I broke the bank to purchase. She only wanted to throw. It was her first perseveration.

By toddlerhood, she could throw both backward and forward.  Her Dad and I anxiously thought "well, maybe she's got a future career pitching softball!" So we 'throw proofed' the house, made sure she had plenty of safe balls and other objects to throw, and we threw stuff with her.  We'd spend hours at night throwing strange objects around to each other as a family; we even invented some of our own games.

But most important, it let Ashi know that her interests were important to us, that we would provide her with the tools she needed, and that we would find a way as a family to enjoy her interests too.  All that throwing actually increased the muscle strength in her arms and back, and exercised her eye-hand coordination.  Yes, we realized that most children do not obsessively throw things for hours, but we had a paradigm shift.  Our child enjoyed doing this and so we were going to make the best of it.

Then we ventured to the church nursery. 
After one service, we were met with the nursery director's beady-eyed glare coming down a long, pointy, nose at us.  It was a smugness that instantly drained the (much needed) sustenance we'd just received from the sermon.  The nasal, snotty, tone soon tattled, "We were going to come get you. She threw things the whole time.  We can't have that. What do you do to make her stop at home? She won't be welcome like this." 

My reply that "we just throw things with her," was met with a 'hmmf', a 'shrug of the shoulders' and a 'shake of the head.'  My tears flowed all the way home, we lived in the country at the time so that's alot of tears.

My point here is to explain the paradigm shift.  My husband and I definitely had it. It came naturally to us. Taking what we had to work with, being creative, positive, and using behaviors, interests, perserverations as tools to move into areas where our daughter struggled.  The church lady was desperately in need of a paradigm shift.

By having that shift, we also validated our daughter, understood her, equipped her, encouraged her, figured out how to use her interests to branch out to other areas.  This has been the environment she has grown up in all of her life and I see it played out in her confidence and her sense of self-worth.

Changing the way we think is what catapults our children's progress.  Instead of forcing children to 'fit in' or feeling disappointed if they don't do 'this' or 'that' yet, we should focus on the amazing things they can do!  Every person on earth has something they are good at, no matter what age, no matter who they are.  Finding that talent and helping our children explore it is vital to their success in life. Surround yourself with people like this and eliminate those who drag you down, discourage, judge, or anything else that takes your concentration away from working with your child in a productive way.


Annie Eskeldson writes for parents of young autists.  Her daughter had many perseverations including throwing, listening to fluids in bottles, shadows, lining up animals, tapping, flicking paintbrushes and currently, internet research of incidents and accidents occuring at amusement parks all across the United States.  Annie also has 3 published children's books about autism that also nurture parents at www.authorannie.com and will be speaking at a homeschooling convention in Kansas City, April 21st.